I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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