He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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