i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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