It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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