My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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