A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
