Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
