Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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