Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
