im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
