I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
