fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I want to have your abortion
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
