That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
