So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
