And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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