I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
