I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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