i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
