Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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