The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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