I looked at my own cervix.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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