chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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