Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
