I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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