We're like a lot better than the average bears
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
