I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
