Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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