you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
