chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
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i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
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I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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