she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
