I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Success! We fucked roommates!
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