I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
