Ambien. No doubt about it.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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