SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
