If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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