My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
