Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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