they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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