We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
