Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
