Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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