i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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