Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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