you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
