Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
