i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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