whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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