just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
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