after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
