My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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