Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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