im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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