Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
