Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
