What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
even my farts smell like vagina
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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