A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
