Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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