you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
