break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
