I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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