I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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